Ask Roxanne!

Dear Roxanne,
I am miserable in my job. I've only had it for about nine months, and I had such high hopes that it would be different from my previous job, which was a nightmare. But now a lot of the same problems are popping up, and I'm looking for a new job again. I don't want to make the same mistake. How can I be sure the next job isn't going to go south just as quickly?

–Terry W.

Dear Terry,
I can practically guarantee that it WILL go south, and just as fast. Your reasons for changing jobs make a repeat almost inevitable. As long as you are running away from the old instead of running toward the new, you're doomed to a repeat. I've written this week's column to explain what I mean. Good luck!

– Roxanne

Do you have a question about how to handle a situation or a relationship in the workplace? Ask Roxanne!

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Values As Your True North

I had an old friend who was a software programmer. At the time I knew him, he'd held several jobs in a few years. He told me he wasn't happy in his newest job and wanted to find a new one. Again.

"Are you moving toward a new job," I asked, "or running away from your current mess?"

"Well," he said, "if I'm honest with myself... I suppose I'm running away."

"That's too bad," I said, "because there was obviously some lesson you missed while there, some mistakes you'll probably repeat. I suggest you stay and learn the lesson so you can move toward something—otherwise, we'll be having this exact same conversation in another year when you're looking for your next job."

Despite my sage advice, he left anyway, and started a new job... which he recently lost.

Same story, different day.

The trick here is to be honest with yourself. If you're getting married, it's easy to say you're moving toward a relationship—but you might be moving away from being alone.

That's a very different reason to get married, and not a very good one. How many divorced and/or miserable people are out there raising their hands on this one?

You will find that almost EVERY bad decision follows from a violation of a value—a moving away from a fear instead of moving toward something you love.

But what can you learn from your personal history to improve the ratio of good decisions to lousy ones? Let's do an autopsy on the decisions you've made that have killed deals, killed relationships, reduced your success, and otherwise created general chaos in your life:

You needed to meet a goal or quota, so you did the wrong thing by the client. You violated your value of always doing the right thing by the customer, and a bad result was your reward.

You had to get home early to meet with friends, so you didn't double-check that project before sending it out to the client. You lost the deal because you didn't uphold your value of quality work.

You were in a pinch to fill a position, so you hired someone you knew just didn't share your values. Twenty-four hours after the start time, you know you have a problem.

In each case, you made a decision that felt wrong from the start. And one of the fundamental examples of this is the tendency to run from problems instead of moving toward possibilities.

Next time you need to make a decision, ask yourself if you're moving away from something or moving toward something. Once you master that assessment, it's amazing how much better your decision making, and your results, will become.

Values Check for Job Changers

Before you seriously consider switching jobs, clarify your values:

• What are the basic values that motivate and center you?
• Have you been true to those values throughout your current position?
• If not, what adjustments can you make to realign yourself to those values BEFORE you make a change?

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