Ask Roxanne!
Dear Roxanne,
I am new to the industry in which I work, learning quickly, but feeling at every turn that I don't know as much as I should. Ten times a day I find myself listening to someone and not understanding what they mean--a term, a dropped name, or a whole concept. Everyone else clearly knows what I don't. The more this happens, the more the fog builds up in my head. How can I catch up without looking dumb?
--Dhakshi S.
Dear Dhakshi,
You are struggling with powerful emotions AND a powerful delusion. "Everyone else" does NOT know. Some of them might, but others--I promise you this, MANY others--are in exactly the same boat, not knowing, not wanting to ask, and thinking YOU know. See how that works? I've written this column to give you courage to be the one who breaks through the silence. Let me know how it goes!
--Roxanne
Do you have a question about how to handle a situation or a relationship in the workplace? Ask Roxanne!
Point of Clarification--Honest Courage in the Service of Clarity
I had a colleague years ago named Sandra. Sandra had a very special skill. It's one part honesty and three parts courage--and it made her an indispensible part of any meeting.
I remember one meeting where a consultant kept using a word that no one in the room knew. Not that anyone admitted this, of course. We all sat there like lumps, all assuming that we were the only ones who didn't know the word, and all afraid to show it.
"You have to realize that the customer may be coming to your brochure with an entirely different hermeneutic framework."
"It's essential to take the hermeneutics of your ad campaign into account."
What worried me most was that this word "hermeneutic" kept coming up alongside words like "essential" and "crucial." But did I raise a hand? Not on your LIFE.
"Excuse me," Sandra said at last. "You keep using that word--'hermeneutic.' I don't know what that means."
The reason I know for certain that no one else in the room knew the word either was the sudden, visible relaxation of all shoulders around the table, accompanied with a dozen little sighs of relief. We were going to learn the meaning after all, thanks to Sandra's honest courage.
The next time you find yourself in the same situation--not understanding something, and certain that all those around you do--know that the likelihood that others are also sitting in silent incomprehension is somewhere around (hmm, let me do the math here... carry the six...) somewhere around 100 percent. And if everyone else DOES happen to know what's going on, know that it is 100 percent permissible to reveal that you don't know everything because NO ONE DOES.
So do everyone a favor. Be like Sandra. Be the one who is honest and courageous enough to ask for clarification. You'll be an asset to workplace communication and a hero to your colleagues. And if you can't manage the interruption, at least write down the term and promise yourself to look it up before your head hits the pillow.
Oh, and hermeneutics? The consultant said it means "interpretation." Why he couldn't just say "interpretation" in the first place is a topic for another day.
Three Ways to Safely Ask for Clarification
Feeling less than fully courageous and honest? The next time someone dazzles with a $100 word or a complex and unfamiliar phrase, try one of these approaches:
- Speaking for others. "I'm not sure everyone here knows what RTFQ stands for. Could you spell that out, please?"
- Taking a reading of the room. The expressions on the faces of others around the table will tell you whether all is being understood. If it's not, know that your intervention will make you a hero to several sweating in silence.
- Using a humorous confession. "I'm sorry... I haven't had my second cup yet today. Can you remind me what 'liquidity theory of the term structure' refers to before my head explodes?"
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